The other day a friend of mine asked me if I wanted to try a new Tai restaurant that opened near my house. He said it would be his treat because he had met the daughter of the owners at a party and she had given him a ten dollar off coupon. I didn’t have to think long about it - tai food is always good especially when your friend is paying for it, even if he has a free coupon. I agreed to our little “bro-date” and let him pick me up since the restaurant was close to my house. Hey with the price of gas, it’s best to save when you can.

It was a small place with great ambiance and the owners were both very nice to us. They treated as if we were the only people in the whole place, especially when they found out that my friend knew their daughter. The food was great. The music was great. This whole place was great. As I was eating I looked up at my friend and out of nowhere said, “The Zombie Apocalypse could be happening right outside this window and I wouldn’t even notice it.

My friend stuffed his face with sushi and said, “ that would be so cool to just be able to run around and shoot zombies in the head.“ I didn’t even pay too much attention to his statement because I thought it was pretty dumb and he was just making a statement, but then he asked, “So, tell me, if you could fuck a zombie girl would you?”

I looked up from my plate and simply asked, “Huh?”

“You know“, my friend seemed to get all serious as he continued. He leaned closer to me. “If you could, would you have some zombie sex. Would you bone a zombie if you could. I think it would be cool. She’d be yelling and growling and I’d be like whoo hoo” As he spoke my friend twisted his face into what I guessed was a zombie impression and shook his head from side, growling as he did so, then he switched and started making sexual faces and acting like he was slapping zombie ass. “Whoo, hooo!”

“Dude, I don’t know about you.” this was just plain dumb and I told him so. “Dude, this is just stupid. Everyone knows you can’t have sex with a zombie - If you had sex with a zombie you would turn into a zombie too because of the transmission of bodily fluids. And besides, she would probably eat your brains before you even had a chance to … you, know…” I made a circle with the thumb and finger of one hand and slid the finger of my other hand in and out the hole.

“what is that?” my friend asked as I continued to slide my finger back and forth through the hole my other fingers had created.

“Dude, it’s the universal sign for penetration. I bet even freakin’ zombies know what that means.” I stopped making the sign as the owner walked by and looked at me. I smiled, she didn’t.

“Is the disease in the salvia and other fluids or just in the blood? “ Ha asked laughing at the fact that I had been caught doing the universal symbol for penetration by the restaurant’s owner.

“I don’t know, I guess it depends on which movie you’re watching.” I took a drink of my tea and looked up at the owner again. I smiled once more, once more she did not. She looked away. I said, “I guess you could have sex with a girl as she’s turning into a zombie.”

My friend looked at me like I had just invented ice cream. His eyes lit up and his voice went up an octave with excitement. “Yeah, that would be great. She’d be thrashing around, growling and trying to bite me.” He rolled his eyes back in his head and snapped his teeth a few times, then he continued. “I’d be slapping some zombie ass” He smacked the air with his right hand and moved his body up and down almost as if he were riding a horse, then he started making his crazy sexual faces again as his breathing come faster and faster “Don’t turn yet, not yet…oh….oh…don’t urn…not yet…oh… ohhhhh.

I looked around and wondered where the owner was during this little bit of dramatics from my friend. “I have a feeling this conversation is going to end up in my blog.” I said aloud.

My friend just laughed and then he asked me the strangest question of the day, “Would you eat out a zombie?”

“Dude, that’s disgusting. And, no, I wouldn’t …”

He didn’t let me finish my sentence he just kept on with the zombie talk. “Do you think she’d have crotch rot? You think it would be all slimly and decaying down there? I mean not all zombies are dead and decaying sometimes it’s just a virus that affects them and makes them go on a rage, so they may not even have crotch rot. They may have perfectly good crotches.”

“Dude, I’m not even talking to you anymore…”