SUPER MULTI ETHNIC MULTI TALENTED HOMEMAKER GRANDMA

All hail The Duchess of the Blogworld….

Ann Imig from Ann’s Rants is one of the most amazing people that I’ve never met in real life, but through her blog and various emails I have to say that she is like blogging royalty. I would say she is the Queen, but when I think of a queen I think of an old lady with man hands and Ann is much too pretty to be an old queen, so I think of her as The Duchess.

Ann is not just a blogger, she has become a friend who has helped me out in many ways during my time blogging - she’s always there to give a hand or spread some praise when I felt like I needed someone to just say, “you’re doing a good job” She is one of the few people I’ll go to when I need help with my own blog and I know that no matter what she’s doing she will find time to help me. I couldn’t have done any of this without her

Thank you Ann for the guest post

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SUPER MULTI ETHNIC MULTI TALENTED HOMEMAKER GRANDMA

By: Ann Imig from Ann's Rants

The very day that Tony asked me to guest post about being a superhero, I was party to a bank hold up. Seeing a dude jump behind the counter and command us to “Get on the floor” exceeded my quotient of live action/adventure for the next four score and many years. No, if I had super-powers I would put them to beautifully mundane, yet practical use.

I’ve often dreamed of having my own, live-in set of Grandmas. Wait--Justice League of Grandmas sounds more super-heroic. After weeks on end of soup and sandwich meals (read: cereal and milk), I’ve longed for Grandmas authentic to the cuisine we prefer. Monday night? Italian Mamamia cooks spaghetti Bolognese. Tuesday? Enchiladas de Abuelita. Friday? Roast chicken ala Bubbe. My Justice League of Grandmas could live in their own multi-unit Grandma commune next door—sort of like Golden Girls but much more focused on the needs of my family. I guess that would make them Beholden Girls.

Now that awesome story-telling Tony has granted me my own superpowers…enter my alter-ego: A salt and pepper once a week salon-set hairdo, and a faint eau de cookies scent….I’m…SUPER! MULTI! ETHNIC! MULTI! TALENTED! HOMEMAKER! GRANDMA!

My alter ego spends only $100 a week at the store—shopping only on that infamously healthy perimeter, buying natural ingredients in bulk. She cooks three meals a day from scratch, pouring patience and coziness into each serving (as opposed to, say, boiling pasta AGAIN accompanied by deli turkey AGAIN with a side of ONCE AGAIN baby carrots).

Did I mention that SUPERMULTIETHNICMULTITALENTEDHOMEMAKERGRANDMA truly enjoys some zen-scrubbing? She spends her days scrubbing floors, because my fictional alter-ego loves to clean with non-toxic and once again made from scratch, vinegar/bakingsoda/grandma magic compounds. No sighing. No passive-aggressive whistling. No negative comments about the hereditary-on-your-Dad’s-side lack of pee stream/toilet water coordination.

Then, once my home is made, she powers up her super-never-ending-energy-for-children. In one mystifying swoop, which might look more like a hobble punctuated with a loud “OOF” she gets on the floor and holds my children in her lap and weaves stories of days gone by. Stories they are enchanted by (as opposed to, say, bored with due to many umms and long pauses where the storyteller kindasorta drifts off)

My SUPERMULTIETHNICMULTITALENTEDHOMEMAKERGRANDMA is also very crafty and gleans great pleasure in setting up projects for my children—from sock puppetry to burlap millinery! Yes the children forget about screens altogether in the presence of such authentic downhominess.

And when the day finally winds down, my children conga out the door behind her—all to the tune of Beastie Boy’s Boomin’ Granny.

Thank you Tony. Make it come true, Tony. Say you will.

　

all copyrights reserved by the original author

 

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Posted by Tony at 3/12/2010 12:05 AM
Categories: Oasis Comics,John Romita Jr,Guest Bloggers,contest,Mark Millar,comic book,Kick Ass,comics
Tags: contest giveaway Comic Books Comic Artist
 

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