Be Careful What You Wish For
Thank you Ian for the guest post
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Be Careful What You Wish For
By: Ian from Idiotts Stew
There’s no work for super-heroes anymore unless you consider circus-side-show-freak a viable career (and Zero certainly does not). But that’s what happens when you commit yourself to a goal and work like hell to achieve it; eventually you work yourself right out of a job. Zero tried to explain it to the dumbasses down at the Hall of Justice; tried to tell them to cool it. “We have to pace ourselves. If we wipe evil off the face of the earth, who are we gonna fight? What will we do with our days? How we gonna get paid?” But they wouldn’t listen. Wonder-Woman held all the political cards back then; she had the real super-power. Being able to fly and see through walls with x-ray vision doesn’t mean much when you are up against a large-breasted Amazon chick in a spandex leotard and gold lamet go-go boots. The horn-dogs did everything she commanded and they competed with one another for her attention until all of the villains were defeated. And then came the lay-offs.
Zero’s pension keeps him in beer and cigarettes. He “fills” his days now with TV and memories. He’s out of shape and his powers are faded. He recently attempted a simple “turning-back-of-time” (one of his trademark tricks) and completely exhausted himself without so much as getting one second back. If he could, he’d spin this earth all the way back to the days when there was bad for the good to battle. That’s when life made sense. That’s when there was balance.
Still, he believes he could make a comeback if he was given the opportunity and a membership at Gold’s Gym. He maintains the service on his hot-line phone, just in case.
Zero steps out of his travel-trailer home and into a sandstorm. Sixty mile an hour winds have brought the brown blizzard to the north end of the Coachella valley again. Inhaling deeply, Zero feels the dirty needles tearing at his throat and lungs. Generally speaking he can take 2 or 3 full breaths before his windpipe closes off and the hacking begins. Eventually he’ll be vomiting and up will come bloody dirt and the mornings’ toasted peanut-butter sandwich.











I adored this post, Ian. Awesome. Just Awesome.
Yeah, Wonder Woman could give anyone an inferiority complex.
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sure.. I see how you are, blame the woman.
whatever. Zero is an idiot. How can someone not know turning back time is lucrative and keep honing that ability? It's not like people only need to turn back time to defeat evil. What about general sin or mediocre boo-boos? People would surely pay for that.
I love it, Ian. ..you know I gotta bust you over it though or it just wouldn't be me.
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wow IB...guess the retirement plan is about like the NFL guys. bloody dirt adn peanut butter...mmm...i can totally see that in WW...she did it to me as a young man...
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Even Super Heroes need to adapt.
I wonder if he has considered working in the field of concert security? Bouncing? Blogging?
Pearl
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Dear Zero,
I'm really sorry for everything. I hope the TV improves.
love,
Wonder Woman
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So that's who lives in that trailer!
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Dear Zero,
Enough with the bread already.
Ian
this was awesome...even superheroes can become obsolete
Peace ~ Rene
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That was an entertaining post. "Go Zero!" I look forward to read more.
Regards,
Arnie Fulbright
Theme Parks UK
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Zero,
In my eyes, you still got it! Now go kick some ass
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I still believe in super heroes!
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Awwww, Zero sounds like my kind of hero.
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hi tony!your blog is really interesting
for me you should must do the writer!
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