I have a friend that swears by Craigslist. He and his wife just bought all the furniture for their new baby’s room from different people that listed their old stuff on Craigslist. I’ve heard about it long ago, but I’ve never actually gone on it looking for anything. Today I decided that I would check it out just to see what I could find. I typed different things and saw that it was almost like Ebay, I could find just about anything I wanted on Craigslist. I decided that I would try typing “Star Wars” to see what I could find and boy did I find things. One of the things that caught my eye was a listing that said

I typed the address into my phone and let the little electronic voice guide me to what I was hoping was the Mother Lode of Star Wars toys. In my mind I was that little kid circling all the toys I wanted from the Christmas Flyer from Toys R Us imagining that I would get them all, but somehow knowing I would be lucky to get one thing from my list. In my mind I imagined all the Star Wars things at unbelievable prices - I was going to build up my collection of Star Wars toys (which is already more Star Wars toys than one grown person should own).

I told my nephew that when he gets bigger he’ll probably get my Star Wars stuff, so the other day I find him going through my stuff.

“What are you doing?” I asked him.

“Nothing.” he says. “I’m just looking at your Star Wars stuff”?

“Ok,” I was curious, “and why are you going through my stuff?”

“I want to take out the stuff you can give me for my birthday.”

I looked at him puzzled. “I’m going to give you my stuff for your birthday?”

“Yeah,” he didn’t look away from the figures he was fingering in my space case. “On my birthday I’m going to be seven and when I turn seven I’m going to be bigger and you said I could have your stuff when I get bigger.”

How could I argue with logic like that?

I drove to the garage sale thinking that maybe not only would I find stuff for my collection but I might a starter collection to give my nephew when he turns seven and gets bigger.

I drove around until I found the place. It was a regular house nestled in a nice community of regular houses. There weren’t any signs that I was about to hit the mother lode of all Star Wars toys or of any Rock ’n Roll memorabilia except for a cardboard cut out of Elvis holding a cardboard sign that said “Garage Sale” on it..

I pull up to the house and start my walk up the driveway. There is a man sitting in a small chair off to the side. He’s busy going through paperwork and mail, too busy to even look up at us as he says. “There’s some knock-off purses in that box over there and they’re two for thirty dollars or twenty dollars each.”

“thank you” I say walking toward the stuff in boxes that he’s selling expecting to find the mother lode, but all I see are fake Coach, Dooney Burke purses. I look over at the guy whose still busy with his paperwork and realize there is something familiar about him. I don’t know why but for some reason I notice his feet. He’s wearing sandals and his feet are huge. They are the feet that belong to a giant or to a Montenegrian. Finally I have to ask, “Do you have any Star Wars stuff?”

“Oh he says, ‘you seek Yoda’” and he laughs at his joke. “You’re here because of the ad in Craigslist.”

“yeah,” I answered. “Do you have anymore Star Wars stuff?”

“No” he said, finally looking up from the paperwork that he had on his lap. “I sold it all to some lady for $3,500” As he stands up I must have looked at him really funny because he asked, “What?”

He’s about 6’8 and as I look up at him I realize why he looks so familiar. “Has anyone told you that you look like Elvis?”

“Thank you. Thank you very much.” he says sounding like what I believe Elvis sounded like in real life. I can’t remember what the real Elvis sounded like because all I’ve heard were imitators pretending to be him, so to me he sounded like Elvis.

“You look like Elvis only supersized.”

The Giant Elvis chuckled. “ain’t never heard that one before.”

“so, no Star Wars stuff, huh?” I asked looking around.

The Giant Elvis looked around too and said, “Now the stage is bare and I’m standing here with emptiness all around.”

“Ah, ok” I said not really knowing what to say. I picked up a little blue dog that had a tag that identified it as a 2009 Elvis Christmas ornament - I guess it was a blue suede hound dog. “You know, my birthday is January 8^th” I don’t usually go around telling people my birth date but it seemed fitting at the time because January 8^th was the same as Elvis’ birthday used to be. Any fake Elvis worth his weight in spit should know that, I thought.

“well, happy birthday to you” the giant Elvis said not really getting the connection.

“Thank you” I gave him a sideway glance and did my best impersonation, “Thank you very much.”

“you should leave the impersonations to the professionals”

“Ok” I said, agreeing that my impersonation was pretty bad. “How about you show me a little bit of Elvis”

The giant Elvis started singing, “You can hide ‘neath your covers and study your pain. Make crosses from your lovers, throw roses in the rain, waste your summer praying in vain for a savior to rise from these streets …”

“Ah” I interrupted. “That’s not Elvis, that’s Bruce Springsteen.”

Giant Elvis looked at me with a puzzled looked on his face. He raised one eyebrow and asked, “are you sure?”

“Yeah I am. You’re singing Thunder Road by Bruce Springsteen. I’d bet your life on it.”

Giant Elvis looked at me but didn’t say anything. He started singing at the top of his lungs.

“Take my hand, take my whole life too … I can‘t help falling in love with you” he stopped and asked, “that was Elvis? Wasn’t it?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah that was Elvis. You’ve been quoting Elvis since I got here but you can’t remember the songs?”

“You’re putting too much pressure on me to perform.”

I didn’t even want to acknowledge that statement - it just seemed kind of weird to me.

It was at this time that a blond woman came out of the house. “Hi sugar” she said to me in a baby type voice. ”We have a big sale on knock off bags today two for thirty dollars.” She winked at me and said, “but for you honey we may even sweeten the offer.”

Giant Elvis put one arm around my shoulders, which really bothers me when strangers do that, “this is my wife. Do you know who she impersonates?” He asked as I moved away from under his arm.

“Marilyn Monroe?” I took a guess.

Giant Elvis laughed, “show him babe.”

The blond woman got on her knees, began rubbing her hands over her breasts and down over her legs as she sang, “like a virgin…touched for the very first time…like a virrrrrrgin…oh…oh…oh.”

I stood there not believing what I was seeing when Giant Elvis said, “you have to imagine her breasts have big cones over them.”

I looked at Giant Elvis and asked, “you said you had knock-off bags for sale?” I didn’t wait for an answer I started making my way to the car. As I got in my car to drive away Giant Elvis knocked on my window. He smiled as I rolled down the window and he gave me a picture of himself dressed in a glittery, rhinestone jumpsuit.

As I drove off I swear I could hear Giant Elvis sing:

“Well, it's one for the money,
Two for the show,
Three to get ready,
Now go, cat, go.”

I’m not sure I’ll be using Craigslist again.