I know a girl named Blue. That’s not the name she was born with. She was born with a girly name such as Lindsey, Monica, or Cheryl, but somewhere between the time she was born and the time I met her she became “Blue” I don’t know how or why she choose to call herself that. Maybe Blue is her favorite color, maybe she was feeling blue, or maybe she was having a “Blue Period” much like Picasso did during the years between 1900 - 1904. I know Blue is an unusual name for a girl, but Blue is far from being the usual girl next door.

When you first meet her, the first thing you notice about Blue is the way she dresses. She doesn’t dress like other girls I know. she’s always wearing a Dallas Cowboys jersey, blue jeans, and always has a blue handkerchief tied around her bald head which is covered with a Dallas Cowboy cap. At first glance she may come off as being a bit intimidating especially when you add the fact that she’s about five feet nine inches tall and weighs a good two hundred and fifty pounds.

You may or may not have guessed, but Blue is a lesbian. I’m not saying that being a lesbian is a good thing or a bad thing I’m just mentioning it because it’s an important part of the rest of this story. She drinks like a man, she swears like a man, and one time I even think I saw her adjust her balls like a man. One thing I can about her is that she’s cool as hell. I admire the fact that she speaks her mind and doesn’t care what others think about the way she dresses, the things she says, or her sexuality.

I remember one night we were all sitting around the fire-pit talking about how we all met and she mentioned that she thought my sister was beautiful when she first met her. I always thought Blue had a crush on my sister, but never said anything. One of my sister’s best friends told everyone how when they first met he thought my sister was a lesbian too because she was always hanging out with the guys at the automotive shop in school. He said that she knew more about cars than most of the guys in the class. He said that she was just one of the guys to the group until prom. His date cancelled at the last minute so he wasn’t going to go when he called my sister to see if she would go with him. He said that when he saw her he was dumbstruck because she was so beautiful and so girly. He said that everyone at the prom was shocked to see her all made up and dressed in a dress.

Blue enjoyed that story and laughed as she told us how she would drag my friend to the gay and lesbian bars because she didn’t want to go alone. At one particular bar she said she had to go to the restroom but didn’t want to go in by herself so she dragged him in there too. She said it was the more horrible of horrible places she ever had to go. She said that the floor was so nasty that you could probably name any disease and probably get it from the floor. She said that she didn’t even want to sit on the toilet not even with the ass protectors on it, so she “eagled it” I never heard that term before so I had to ask what that meant. She said that was when a girl went to the restroom and just hovered over the toilet seat because it’s so dirty - I never knew women did that until that night. The next thing she did and said made me come up with a great idea. She walked over to the cooler and pulled out a bottle of Miller Light, opened it and began to drink it. As she did she said, “Miller Light in a bottle is a lesbian drink. All the lesbians drink this stuff”

I looked at her and said, “My sister drinks Miller Light out of a bottle” and just like that the idea hit me… I would set my sister up with Blue.

It didn’t matter that my sister was not a lesbian, I was going to set her up with another girl. At the time she had been going out with good-for-nothing guys, so I figured why not try a girl? All the guys she had gone out with up to that time were almost a cookie cutter type of each other. They were short, ugly, with short stubby hair, saggy pants and no job. Most of the guys that she went out with up to that time had the IQ of a peanut butter sandwich.

When my sister found out what I had done, she went to my mom and asked, “you know what your son just did? Do you want to know what your son just did”

“What?” My mom asked.

“He set me up on a date with a lesbian."

"He set you up with a lesbian?"

"Yes. He set me up on a date with another girl.”

“Well,” my mom answered. “at least that way you can’t get pregnant.”