I’m a realist, or at least most times I like to think I’m a realist, but I guess you’ll get a different answer if you ask different people who know me. I’m a realist in the fact that I know I’m not one of those pretty boys that makes girls hearts skip beats when they walk by. I’m not one of those of guys that spend countless of hours in front of the mirror making sure that every hair is in place or that every blemish is covered with the closest Max Factor skin color concealer I actually have a friend that uses the concealer - I don’t know if he uses Max Factor or not, but concealer is concealer and I don’t use it. I’m not one of those pretty boys, but at the same time I’d like to think that I’m not so hideous that I scare little kids or make mothers hide their babies when they see me coming. I’m just a regular guy who doesn’t primp in front of the mirror all day long or who pampers himself with those things that some might consider girly - such as massages, pedicures, or facials.

On our way to the family reunion we stopped at a small mall where my sister-in-law found the perfect little salon that specializes in manicures and pedicures. My sister-in-law wanted my mother to experience the wonders of a great pedicure. As far as I know, my mom has never had a pedicure, so this was a treat to her. My sister-in-law and my mom were both all giddy and happy as they skipped into the salon leaving me and my father to watch the four kids ranging from two to six years of age.

I gathered the kids or more like round-up the kids and tried to take them around the corner to a food court area to get them some sort of treat that will keep them in their seats for awhile while the women have their feet done. It was a much harder job than it sounds because in front of the nail salon was a play area that had various things for them to jump on and off and was filled with what had to be a thousand screaming kids, some of which were way bigger than the maximum allowed height.

“Why can’t we play there?” my six year old nephew asked.

“We will” I answered, “but first lets something to eat”

“I’m not hungry”

“We’ve been out all day and you haven’t eaten anything.” I then used a line I never in my life imagined I would ever use, something I’d heard my grandmother say many times as she tried to get us to eat, even after we were all grown. “You need to eat something, you’re getting so skinny I can see your ribs. I can practically see right through you. You’re just skin and bones.” I knew that wasn’t true because she used to say that to my fat cousins too and trust me on this - there was no way you could see their ribs.

“Can we get snow-cones” my oldest niece says. She’s been to this mall various times and knows all about the cold, icy goodness of snow cones

“Yeah!” everyone began to scream in unison. “I want a snow cone! I want a snow cone!”

I know better than to argue with four kids who are set on eating a cup of ice covered in flavored syrup. The great thing about this idea is that for the time I have them with me, they’re happy with their sugary treat, I’m the good uncle who lets them have sweet treats, and I don’t have to stay up with them at night when get that sugar high and are bouncing off the walls. It’s a good deal for all of us. So, we’re all in agreement. We want snow cones - so we march to the food court.

“Now make sure you follow the person in front of you” I said as I take my youngest nephew’s hand and lead them to the food court.

“We're following the leader, the leader, the leader
We're following the leader wherever he may go …

Tee dum, tee dee,
A teedle deelde deeay
Oh, a teedle ee dum
A teedle ee do tee day
Oh, a teedle ee dum
A teedle ee do tee day”

My youngest niece suddenly stops and puts her hands on her hips and yells as loud as she could. “But I want to be the leader!”

“No, I want to be the leader” My other niece exclaimed

“I’m the leader ‘cause I’m the oldest…”

My brother and my sister are both very stubborn. I wont’ say anything about my sister-in-law… oh hell, she’s stubborn too and it seems that’s one major trait all the kids inherited. I found myself surrounded by four kids each of which wanted to be the leader and each one so stubborn that they wouldn‘t move until I agreed to let him or her be the leader.

I had a great idea, probably the best idea in the whole history of ideas, I didn't care if the big kids were still playing in the play area I was going to play that card. "How about we forget the snow cones and just go play over there" I pointed toward the play area.

"I want a snow cone" My oldest nephew said. He was soon joined by everyone else, "me too. I want a snow cone. me too, me too..."

"Ok then let's go get one." I said starting to walk to the snow cones.

"But I'm the leader."

"No, I'm the leader...

"I want to be the leader..."

I looked to my dad for help, but he had given up a long time ago and was now sitting on a bench in front of the play area. As I looked closer, I noticed his head was tilted back, his eyes were closed and was snoring quietly.

I was on my own…