I remember a few years ago someone came into the clinic where I work and asked to see a doctor. I looked in the computer to see what we had available as far as appointments for the day. I told the guy that we had a 2:40 PM appointment. He thought about it for a while and then said he would take it. The next thing he did really freaked me out. He pulled out a wad of napkins out of his pocket and set it on my desk then asked, "Do I have to carry my stool sample around with me all day or will you take it to the doctor?"

I jumped back and probably squealed like a little girl as I said, "You didn't just put what I think you put on my desk - did you?" I couldn’t believe that someone would actually put a piece of crap, poo, shit, whatever you want to call it on my desk.

He started to unwrap it, "It's just my stool sample for the doctor."

"I don't care what it is I'm not taking that anywhere." I really didn't know how to react to someone putting a stood sample wrapped in toilet paper on your desk - it's not in the employee handbook.

At that point my boss came out and told the man, "Sir if the doctor needs a stool sample she will request one. She will want a fresh one not one that you've carried in your pocket all day." I guess that's why she's the boss. I could never have said that with a straight face.

"So, I can get rid of it?" The man asked innocently. He looked at me, “Do you have a trash can back there I can throw it in?”

“Uh…no, I don’t have a trash can back here.” I lied. I wouldn’t sit next to a small trash can with my own poop in it, much less someone else’s poop in it.

"You can take it to the bathroom and flush it down the toilet." My boss suggested.
He thanked my boss, thanked me for setting up the appointment and then reached out his hand for me to shake it. I looked at his hand, looked at him, looked at my boss then looked back at him and said, “Dude, I’m not about to shake to shake your hand. No offense, but I make it a point not to shake anyone’s hand after they’ve pulled out a stool sample from their pocket.” The man laughed a little bit, took his stool sample from my desk and walked away.

... and that's just another day in what I call...

"My life as I see it"