I went to the movies with a couple of friends of mine the other night. I know that in itself is not a big thing, it’s just that every time we go to this particular casino for movies, to eat, watch a show, etc we always park at the very top level of the parking garage, then take the elevator down to the main casino. The reason we do that is because we don’t have to ride around looking for a place to park, there are always parking spots on the very top level of the parking garage and at the end of the night we can all walk out there together and talk a bit more outside.

I’ve noticed a strange thing that happens every time I’m riding the elevator; I can’t help it, but as soon as the elevator doors shut I start to think really weird thoughts. My thoughts range from what if I have to fart in an elevator full of strangers to what if someone else has to fart in the elevator and everyone thinks it‘s me. I wonder how I would boil water if the pregnant girl goes into labor and I’m the only one there? I wonder why would I want to boil water if the pregnant girl goes into labor? My mind just starts to come up with all sorts of things like that.

The other night we got in the elevator with two very tall guys and their equally tall dates. From far away they looked like regular couples but as they got closer it was like they were growing before our eyes. When they were right there in the elevator with us, I realized they were gigantic - both of the girls were taller than the tallest guy in our group. I almost felt like one of the giant girls was going to pinch my cheeks and say to their giant boyfriend, “He’s such a cute little thing, can we keep him?“

As the elevator started to move, I found myself standing as straight and tall as I possibly could - maybe the giants wouldn’t notice that I was a lot shorter than either themselves or their girlfriends. And then it happens… I start to think to myself that I’d much rather ride the elevator with shorter people because if the elevator were to get stuck between floors then it wouldn’t be so crowded and besides I wouldn‘t want to be stuck in a hot elevator with anyone whose sweaty armpits are level to the top of my head, but then as I look at everyone else in the elevator I think to myself, “if the elevator were to get stuck then it might actually be good to be stuck with the taller people…just in case we’re stuck past lunch time and we have to eat one of them.”

I told my friends about my thoughts and they all said that I was strange, but then after the movie as we got off the elevator on the top floor of the parking garage, we agreed that we would have eaten the small Asian lady if the elevator had gotten stuck between floors because we all love Asian food. - the only problem is that we’d be hungry again an hour later.