I don’t know who said it, but I once heard someone say that you can never go back to your hometown because things are never the same as when you left. I realized that was true as we drove into my hometown of Lubbock Texas. It seemed like everywhere I turned there were old, abandon buildings along the road; some were boarded up and others were crumbling down to nothing. Something about the buildings seemed familiar - then I remembered. Many of these buildings were once the places where my childhood friends and I used to hang out when we were young. We spent many nights hanging out together; eating fried mushrooms, drinking iced tea, playing pool, and feeling like we were the cool kids on the block. Most of those nights we would just hang out and enjoy each other’s company. If we talked about anything we would talk about the events in our uneventful, limited lives. On any given night there would be a group of us there, but no matter who else was there my three best friends; Daniel, Michael, and Emilio were always there - we were the core of the group. We lived in those moments - it was as if nothing else mattered except what was going on with each of us at that particular moment in time. As we got older we would occasionally talk about the future and what we were going to do with our lives. As I looked at the old abandoned buildings I wondered about those guys and what had become of them.

I decided that since I was “home” I was going to look up my old friends and find out if they accomplished their dreams. It's funny because I don't remember what I wanted to do with my life back then and I guess it really doesn‘t matter now - sometimes fate has different plans for you and no matter how much you plan for something things just don‘t turn out the way you planned. I think that since I moved away, my life is better because of the different experiences I’ve had, it’s made me see things differently and it’s made me the person I've become. I don't think that I would be the same person I am now if I had stayed in my "hometown" and grown up there.

The first person I found out about was Emilio - he was the thinker in the bunch. He had so many great business ideas. I knew that he would be the one who would succeed and make something of his life. I felt that one day I would read about him and all the things he accomplished. I didn't get to see him, but I talked to his sister and found that he started his own income tax business and was doing well until he got greedy and started cheating customers out of their money and then he got even more greedy and started using their social security numbers to take out various loans in their names. His sister told me that he was in prison for stealing over $450,000 from people.

I was a bit surprised to hear about Emilio and his fate. I guess that's how life is, you never know what's going to happen. the brightest and smartest sometimes just throw all their potential away. The next person I found was Daniel. When we were young Daniel was the clown of the bunch. He always had a joke or some funny story to tell - he could make anyone laugh. I used to be a bit envious of him because he could fit in with any crowd and everyone loved him. He had the gift of laughter. He could make anyone laugh at any time he wanted to. I always thought that he would go into show business.

Since the time when we were kids - Daniel has gotten married and had twin girls. We both sat crying as he told me the story of how he almost went crazy when one of his twin daughters died unexpectedly a few months after her birth. The pain of losing a child is a hard thing for me to even try to imagine. I don't know that I would be able to go on after something like that. I admire Daniel's strength because he is able to go on - he has to because he still has another daughter that needs him. He now works as a guard in a newly built prison. He told me that sometimes he still lays in bed late at night and cries for the future that his daughter never got to see.

My friend Michael was my partner in crime when we were young. We used to sell candy in school and did pretty well with it. We would buy boxes of candy and sell it to our classmates at a substantial mark-up. I remember that he was always quiet, but he was a good friend. Later I would find out that my mom used to date his dad when they were young. We would joke that we were almost brothers. Maybe that's why I felt a special connection to him - we were really good friends.

Michael's fate was one that I was not prepared for. He joined the Marines and became a different person: moody, self-involved, and always talking about how life was bad. He was real gung-ho about the Marines and seemed to live his life for the corps - nothing else mattered except the corps. One night Michael went to the hardware store bought a flashlight, batteries and some rope. He used the rope to hang himself from a tree in the park where we used to play as kids. As I heard that news I couldn't help but wonder if I had kept in touch with him would I have been able to see the signs and would I have been able to save him - then I realize that I'm giving myself too much credit. I don't think there was anything anyone could do to save Michael...but even now as I write this, I can't help but to think "what if".

I look back on my life and wonder what would have become of me had I stayed in my hometown. I’m not famous, nor am I rich - I’m just a guy who tries to find humor in life and who loves his two nephews and two nieces more than anything else in the world. I’m just a regular guy living a regular life.

They say you can never go back…maybe it’s better not to go back and just live your life with the thoughts that your childhood friends all achieved their dreams.