Tony goes to Church
first I want to state that I'm not a big "Church going person" It's not that I don't believe in God - it's just that I don't think you have to go to church to believe in God or to be saved.
Today my sister told me that her friend had invited all of my family to go to church with her and her family. We are a close family and family is family, so I agreed to go. As I sat in church I thought I heard the father say something about roasted pig, potato salad and tree-houses; then I realized that I had dozed off during the service. I sat up, rubbed my eyes, then said a little prayer:
"Oh Lord, I'm sorry I fell asleep in Your house I know that‘s kinda rude, but you know that recently I've been a little sick with the allergies, so please don't hold it against me."
I focused and began to pay attention again and then thought I heard the father say something about Michelle Rodriquez, duct tape and honey and I realized that I had dozed off again - this time I woke up as people were going back to their seats after taking the bread and wine.
"What did I miss?" I asked my sister as I rubbed my eyes.
My sister looked at me with a goofy look on her face and said, "they just gave out the body of Christ"
"Oh" I felt bad for missing that. “That was something I’d like to have seen.”
"You need to try and stay awake." my younger sister scolded me. I did a little bench hop away from her, thinking she was going to pinch me like my mom used to when we had to sit and listen to my grandpa’s sermons as kids.
"I'm not even asleep." I whispered to her.
She looked annoyed as she said, "You had your eyes closed."
"I was praying"
"you were snoring"
"First of all, I don't even snore - maybe I was speaking in tongues"
I thought I had better pay more attention I was with the family after all, then I heard the father say something about Santa Clause passing out coffee and donuts and I realized it was time to go before I fell asleep and started passing gas loudly in the Lord‘s house.
I know ... I'm going to Hell.
See you there (in hell, not church)
Reply to this
I'll introduce you to all my friends.
I heard back from that hummor blog site you suggested - they denied me, they said my blog wasn't funny - they told me I could try again in 30 days.
Reply to this
I'm sure God would understand about the allergy-induced sleepiness. Duct tape and honey? Now, that, He might not accept
Reply to this
If that's the case ... then I'm positive that you won't be alone... so scoot over.
Reply to this
I'm surprised you didn't use a Jedi Mind trick on them to make them think that it came from somewhere else.
I think we all tend to fall asleep in church so you're forgiven (this time).
Reply to this
I agree with you, you don't need to go to a specific building to believe or be recognized.
So, using that logic, you don't need to be awake either.
Reply to this
old anekdot:
in paradise it is better than sight of a climate but in a hell the society is more interesting
)See you in hell)))
blueoo.com
Reply to this
For me, falling asleep in church was just part of the routine. Sometimes I would even wear a thick jacket so my shoulders had some cushion on them for when the inevitable "head-roll" happened.
Reply to this
@Katherine - He probably just shakes his head and says, "I don't know about that one."
@MaryAnn - We'll all have fruit pizza while we're there
@Chris - I didn't even think of that one. I may try again this weekend and I'll be sure to remember the Jedi mind trick. Maybe I'll just fool them into thinking I'm there and not go at all.
@Jen - I like the way you think.
@wesker - Thanks for visiting my page, I hope you continue to check it out. I'll check yours out as soon as I post this. We'll all have a good ol' time there - I hear the parties are better than anyway.
@Badass Geek - That's brilliant! I'm going to try that next time - they'll ask me why I'm wearing a thick jacket in 120 degree weather, but that's ok as long as I have a cushion for the "head roll" - that is the one thing that embarasses me most, that damn head roll.
Reply to this
Dude, I have so done that. I fell out of my seat once. Totally embarrased. Don't really know how to recover from that one, just kind of got back up and sat back down. Felt like the little horned guy was standing on my shoulder clapping loud enough for everyone to hear.
Reply to this
You should have stood up and loudly say, "Amen."
Reply to this
I'm more than sure God would understand about the allergy-induced sleepiness.
Reply to this