Hell to pay...
You know it’s going to be one of those of days when you’re running late for work and go outside to discover that your car is flat. The tire is completely out of air and you don’t have time to change it. Lucky for me that I had my sister’s truck, so I wasn’t late for work.
Changing the subject - I don’t like answering machines or voice mails because they always seem to catch me off guard. This morning I called a good friend and his voice mail came on, I didn’t know what to say so I just started talking in my deepest, gruffest voice: “Hey man, this is your guardian angel. I hate to tell you this, but you’ve been pretty bad this week, so you’re going to have do something about that. You need to do ten good deeds. If you don’t complete the deeds, well, let’s just say that you’re going to have a hot time in the afterlife. I’ll be in touch.”
A few hours later I called back and the voice mail came on again. I started talking in my guardian voice again. “I hope you‘re not ignoring me because that would not be a wise thing to do. I’m calling with suggestions for good deeds. I care about you man and don’t want to see miss out on a good afterlife. I have some suggestions for you, well let‘s just say that they‘re strong suggestions. Your first good deed could be to fix the tire of a friend who is not lazy, he just can’t manage his time correctly. Another good deed for you is to change the five-gallon drinking water on the same friend’s water cooler. I’ll be in touch with other good deeds later.”
About an hour later I had a girl I work with call my friend and this is what I had her say: “Hello, this is Mrs. Pick-your-nose. I’m your guardian angel’s secretary and I’m checking the status of your good deeds. If you have not begun to do them, then I would suggest that you get started. If these are not completed there will be hell to pay. Thank you and have a nice day.
When I got home I noticed that someone that fixed my flat and there was a new five-gallon water bottle on my cooler.
It looks like my friend is going to make it to Heaven for doing good deeds and I’m going to Hell.
That's awesome!!!!! I love random voice mail messages!!!
We had a friend call us once, and sing his message (very poorly). I made it our incoming message, so he would hear it the next time he called. No one knew what to do when they called, especially Mot's grandmother. The song has something to do with covering himself in peanut butter and letting his dog lick it off.
Grandma's message went something like this, "well....um....(sigh)..." click.
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I had a friend in college who would always get wrong number calls on her cell phone for a tire store. I answered her phone once, and answered as the tire store. Gave the guy all kinds of information, even told him there was a sale (buy one get one FREE!). He believed every word, and didn't think for one minute that I wasn't an actual employee.
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This is hysterical!! Almost as funny as the WTF blanket!
Hallie
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You are so good for me. I laugh and laugh over your posts and even remember them later in the day and have a chuckle. Please never stop. I need a regular dose of your regular guyness!
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awe man. and your credit score really takes a hit too.
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I wonder if this will work for me. Off to make calls...
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@Jen - Once I sang a message on my phone and then had people I didn't know calling and leaving messages that had heard how bad I sang and wanted to hear for themselves.
@Badass Geek - that's great. I wonder if that guy went in looking for the buy one get one free sale.
@Hallie - thanks
@Katherine - thanks, as long as life continues to be blog worthy I'll be blogging, besides I have the domain name for a couple of years
@CK Lunchbox - that sucks, I may have to apply for a stimulus package now.
@Jim - I can give you my friend's number, he still has eight good deeds to do.
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HAHA! Good one!
I'm the guy who likes to have an outgoing message that annoys the hell out of the caller. I've had everything from a 5 minute unskipable banana phone cover, to Peter from family guy singing Ding Fries Are Done.
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