A friend of mine asked me to go out to dinner, but I told her that I couldn’t go because I was having trouble with my car – at the time it was still not running and I hadn’t taken it to the shop yet. I was still trying to see if I could figure out what was wrong with it, but if you know me in real life you would know that I could spend forever checking out my car and still not figure out what was wrong with my car. My friend said that it was ok because she could pick me up at home and then drop me off afterwards – you can’t beat that; dinner with a good-looking girl who will pick you up at home and then drop you off when your car is not running. The only thing that could possibly make that any better is if she could actually fix the car and then wash it for me. Well, she picked me up and we went to dinner.

As I was sitting there across from her I was suddenly taken by her beauty. It’s weird because for some reason I don’t think I ever noticed it before. Had she suddenly blossomed into this beautiful woman or had she always been beautiful and I had been too blind to see it before. Maybe it as that we had been friends for so long that we didn’t see anything spectacular in either of us, just regular friends out to dinner keeping each other company. I felt myself swimming in her eyes, getting lost in her endless innocence. She seemed so frail and petite looking that I felt like all I wanted to do was protect her from all the bad in the world. As I stared at her from across the table I wondered if she had any feelings for me or if I was still just the regular friend that was not spectacular in any way.

I don’t even remember what I ate or how it tasted. All I know is that it seemed like the evening ended much too quickly and before I knew it we were parked in front of my house. I said good bye, thanked her for the ride, and for the wonderful time we had together. I closed the door and started to walk to my front door when I realized that I had left my phone in her car, so I ran back to the car and knocked on the window. For some reason she was a little hesitant to open the window. I wondered if she noticed me noticing her while we were eating and now felt awkward about talking to me.. Maybe she noticed the longing in my eyes and now didn‘t want to have anything to do with me, I thought to myself that I may have blown everything. She opened the window just a crack, as if I were a stranger asking for directions. I told her that I had left the phone on the seat. She hesitated for a moment before unlocking the door.

I opened the car door and was hit by a smell that can only be described as the worst smell in the history of bad smells. If there was a king of bad smells, this one would be it. In the time that it took me to realize that I had forgotten my cell phone, she had let out one of the worst farts ever. She must have been holding it in for a while because It was the worst thing I have ever smelled in my life. I don’t know if she noticed it or not, but I swear my eyes went crossed then rolled back in my head. I tried to hold my breath, but I ended up with a lungful of that foul air. I felt my lungs start to burn and spasm in protest. I started to cough and my eyes filled with tears that began running down my face. I’m not sure, but I think that her fart may have even burned my nose hairs - it was that bad. I reached in the car, grabbed my phone, and then slammed the door quickly before all the smell came out and took over my neighborhood. I waved as she quickly drove off and then I just stood there taking deep breaths of fresh air.

For some reason all these years I never believed that a pretty, little, dainty woman could let out such a powerful fart like the one she let in the car. I just hope that she drove home with her windows rolled down.