my mom called and asked, "you want to go to bingo?"

I didn't even have to think about an answer. "No" I said, "it's boring and I hate to play bingo, besides those old ladies can be mean. I’d rather have someone take a rusty spoon and scoop out my eyeballs, then pour salt in the sockets than play bingo.”

My mom laughed a little and then said that we would go eat after wards and "... the big jackpot hasn't been won yet, maybe it's waiting for you."

"I'm sure it is mom"

My mom then said something that made think a little. "The jackpot is about $230,000 if you win it in fifty-four numbers or less."

I didn’t know what the odds of winning a jackpot in fifty-four numbers or less was, all I thought about was what I could buy with $230,000. That buys a lot of Star Wars collectables. Hey, maybe my mom was right and maybe, just maybe, the jackpot was just waiting for me to go and claim it. "Ok, I'll meet you there." I hung up the phone, took a shower (I wanted to be clean when I claimed my $230,000) and ran out the door anxious to get to the bingo hall so I could claim my winnings. As I drove to the casino I practiced my bingo yell. I think I startled a woman who was at the red light next to me when I yelled, "BINGO!!!" as loud as I could. Before I could explain the light turned green and she sped away.

Once I got to the bingo room I saw my mom waiting for me. I sat next to her and waited for the games to start, thinking of all the things I was going to do with my jackpot money. As we were waiting an old lady came and set a bingo dauber and a little box of Panda Express fried rice next to me. I watched as she unfolded her napkins and made a little napkin bed for her box of rice. She was wearing a shiny gold shirt and a Santa hat covered in green sequins. I couldn't help to think that she looked like an old, flamboyantly gay elf. It was at that moment that she turned to me: "Hey you, " she said poking me on the shoulder. "Watch my stuff and make sure nobody touches it 'cause I gotta take a massive shit."

I almost started laughing because I didn't expect her to say anything like that, but I held it in. I didn't laugh because her words took me by surprise or maybe it was the fact that I was just too scared of her and what she might do if I actually started laughing. “Ok” I answered as she grabbed her purse and went to take a massive shit.

I was marking all my free spots when she came back. "Nobody touched my stuff did they?"

"No" I said, not even looking in her direction. I just continued to dab the free spots.

"You didn't touch my stuff, did you?"

"No, I didn't touch your stuff. I ate earlier."

The old lady looked at my mom. "Is this the son that gave you a grand baby?"

"No" My mom answered. "It's my other son. He has two babies and my daughter has two babies too." I looked at my mom with my "you know Santa's gay elf" look. I couldn’t believe my mom actually knew this lady and told her about our family.

“Why don’t you have any kids?” She asked me.

I didn’t know if I should answer or not because that seemed really personal to me, but I figured if I didn’t I would have to listen to her for the entire game of bingo and I might miss a number and lose out on my jackpot. “If I could fast forward them to an age where they could cut the grass, throw out the trash, wash the car and bring me a drink from the fridge then I would have them - I don’t want to stay awake all night with a baby with colic. I don’t want to change diapers full of crap and I don’t want them playing with my Star Wars toys, beside I don’t like kids…unless they’re dipped in marinara sauce.’

The elf totally ignored my comments and turned to my mom. "This is his first time at bingo?"

“Yes this is his first time here” I've actually been to bingo before, but it's been so long that I guess everyone forgot about it.

"Oh" said Santa's gay elf., looking directly at me "It’s nice to see a grown man not afraid to hang out at the bingo hall with his mama.“ That comment made me feel just a little strange. “Maybe the big jackpot is waiting for you to take it home."

I smiled. Maybe it is, maybe it is.