How do you break it to your friend that his girlfriend is dumber than spit???
Last night I went out to dinner with some friends. One of my friends took his new girlfriend with him. For the past few days all we had heard was how beautiful she was and how much he loved her. I could tell by the way he acted around her that he did love her, because normally he‘s this rough, tough semi-obnoxious guy. Around her he was a totally different guy. He was all smiles and not once during dinner did I ever hear him say a curse word. He even held the door open for her, which is way out of character for him.
I could also tell that he wanted us to like her. I’ll admit that he was right when he said that she was beautiful, but the thing he forgot to mention was that she was not the smartest person around. I’d say that if you gave her, a dog and a fire hydrant an IQ test she would come in second - only because the fire hydrant can’t pick up the pencil to answer the questions. I don’t intend to be mean and I’ve never claimed to be one of the smart people out there. Anyone who has read my posts will tell you that I’m far from smart, but at the same time I‘d like to think I‘m smarter than a wood screw. The sad truth is that this girl was just plain dumb. I would bet my life savings that the silverware sitting in front of her was smarter than her. My friend asked her if she wanted to order chicken fingers for an appetizer. She wanted to know how many came in an order because chickens had little fingers. At first we all laughed because we thought she was joking, but as the night progressed it was obvious that she was not joking - she really was that dumb. For the most part we tried to ignore the fact that almost everything that come out of her mouth sounded like something a two year old would say because you really don’t want to tell your friend that his girlfriend is dumber than spit.
Finally, the waiter brings out our food. She bites into her corn on the cob and I notice that corn juice falls down the front of her shirt. She didn’t notice it at the time and I didn’t say anything about it. As we’re eating I almost choke on a bite of hamburger as she looks down and sees the corn juice on her breasts and exclaims, “Oh my God! I think my tits are leaking!”
Don't say a word about your conclusions, unless you want to possibly lose a friend. Just be glad he's happy. Now if they breakup then go ahead and tell him she isn't the sharpest tack in the box. Until then just zipit.
Think about all the blog entries you can write from the encounters you have...priceless
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You can't.... you just have to keep it to yourself that she's an idiot. Your friend is happy and saying ANYTHING would ruin your friendship and possibly their relationship. Ignorance is bliss, right?
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You're alot smarter than you believe. Let's face facts ... some men (& women) can be just plain deaf, dumb, blind & (yes) stupid when it come luv, lust, or heat. Hopefully, your friend will wake up before Ms Ditz does the friendship destuction/wedge between his friends thing. Chin up!
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Ewwwww. Her last comment leads me to believe she kept trying different tactics to impress you guys. First she tried Jessica Simpson and then went for a sadly misled Sarah Silverman. Meanwhile, you guys might prefer an actual person.
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Ouch, that's just painful. Hot or not, I couldn't do it. Not even for charity.
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I'm thinking maybe that's exactly what he likes about her.
Nice trophy girl that makes him look super intelligent!
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... I used to wonder about the chicken finger thing, too... when I was like six years old.
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May I ask what this lactating wonder does for a living?
Hallie
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@Hallie: HAAHAA. My question in why in the world would she think she is lactating? Does she have kids? If so, then there is your reason right there Tony. It is amazing how much children can reduce the grownup IQ. Especially if you are one of those people who talk to kids in goo-goo-ga-ga speak (I think that is the most rediculous thing ever if you can't tell).
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That is hysterical! But.... if he loves her what are you going to do?
Thanks for visiting my photo-blog... yeah! I did take them all! The problem with being a photographer is you are NEVER in any GOOD photos!! But I do love documenting everyone else!
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Sorry that it's taken so long to get to the comments - it was one of those fight for a parking spot, fight for stuff kind of days and the sad thing is that I didn't buy anything at all.
@Toughguy - I guess you're right, I could invite her over to the after Christmas party and you can write a blog about her - just kidding
@Casey - Yeah I guess I never really thought that maybe he didn't notice it or that he might like a girl like that. It's not worth risking a friendship over
@C Cromwell - I think the friendships we have are strong enough to withstand this.
@Ann - Do you think it's an act she's putting on because if that's the case than it's not even worth the trouble to try and get to know her because we won't know the real person.
@Jim - I don't think I could do it either unless it was Michelle Rodriquez - then all bets are off.
@Tara - that's funny because I was just thinking that I should look for friends that weigh more than me and that are dumber than me so I can look thinner and smarter.
@Badass Geek - I used to wonder the same thing until I went to China Town with a friend an his family and they had the little chicken claws - I was a kid then too and remember chasing my friend's sister with a chicken claw until I was told that it was disrespectful to do so.
@Hallie - she works at an arts and crafts store - maybe I should go in there and ask if they have markers that are clear colored.
@Sal - I wish I could say that she has kids but she doesn't. It's funny to a point, but after awhile it just gets on your nerves.
@Kbreints - I guess you're right, who am I to judge anyone. I just wish him well.
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My guess is that the relationship will run its course. As hilarious as the blog post is, I can imagine that the dinner was one of the worst you've been to.
No matter what happens, keep your feelings about her intelligence to yourself. There's no point ruining a friendship over a girl/boy.
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Honestly, I don't see this lasting very long, so you're right it's just best to keep my feelings about her intelligence to myself.
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