My cousin came to visit, so we did the "Vegas Thing" We decided to stay at a hotel on Freemont Street and take the city bus to the strip. It was after midnight when we got on the bus. As the bus started moving an older lady came and sat in the seat next to us. She was wearing an old, ratty looking sweater with sweatpants that were stained from the crotch down to the right knee. She was also wearing pink socks that were torn so that her toes stuck out from the ends of them, and green flip flop shoes. I noticed the shoes because they were bright neon color and when I looked at them the only thing I could think was, "it's too cold to be wearing those kind of shoes." Another thing I noticed was that she had big thick toenails that curved over the ends of her toes. I bet you could carve wood with her toenails.

We're just sitting on the bus quietly minding our business when the lady starts to talk to us.
"Where are you boys from?" She asks.

My cousin answers saying that he's from Texas and I'm from here. I guess in a way I feel a bit sorry for her. She's old, out alone in the night, and seems like she just wants to talk to someone.

She moves a little closer to us, close enough that you could smell the liquor on her breath. "You guys like girls?"

I look at my cousin and for a second wonder if she thinks we roll around in bed together. "Yeah we like girls." I say trying to push the thought of me and my cousin rolling around in bed together out of my mind.

"You like tits?" I look at her with a blank stare. "You know, tat-tats, chi-chis, te-tas, boobs"

My cousin laughs, "Yeah we like them."

"If you each give me a quarter I'll show you a picture of my tits." We both make a disgusted face before we can decline her offer, the lady adds, "For a dollar each, I'll let you see the real thing." She starts to lift her sweater up a little past her bellybutton as a tease. Her stomach looks all flabby and wrinkled, nothing like the stomachs of the Sports Illustrated models. The crazy thing is that she has this black eight-ball navel ring that hangs down over her wrinkles. I could have done without the visual, but a tease is a tease and this is Vegas, so you never what you're going to find under the sweater.

All of a sudden I hear someone say, "I have a quarter." It was a man who was asleep in the seat behind the old lady. "I want to see the picture." He said. He smiled a smile that was filled with rotten teeth. His hair looked like it had been years since it had been combed or washed, but even so, he was happy because he had a quarter and was about to see the picture of an old lady's tits.

"It will cost you a dollar." The old woman had raised her price.

"You told them that it was a quarter." He protested. You could tell he was disappointed.

"They're young. You're an old ass smelly man." I didn't see why she would charge us less even if we were younger - it wasn't like we were going to sleep with her or anything like that.

"Come on, let me see the picture. I have a quarter."

"No, you can't see the picture unless you have a dollar."

The old man looked at me and asked me if I had a dollar he could borrow. I fished out a dollar out of my pocket and handed it to him, knowing that I would never see that dollar again. He thanked me and then gave it to the old woman. She reached into the front of her sweat pants and pulled out an old pollaroid (sp) picture of her tits.

The old man had a big smile on his face as he ran his finger over the picture of the naked old lady. The old lady reached for the picture but the old man pulled it away from her. "It's mine. I paid you a dollar for it."

"You paid me a dollar to look at it, not to buy it. If you want to buy it will cost you five dollars." The old man looked at me and I shook my head to let him know that I didn't have five dollars he could use.

"I'm keeping it" he said getting up and sitting at the very back of the bus.

The old lady looked at us, which made me feel a little uneasy. She said, "You two are so sweet and handsome that I'll let you have a free look." As soon as she said that, the old woman raised her sweater so we each got an eye full of old wrinkled tits.