About a week ago I was given a gift that brought joy to the entire front end where I work. It was probably the mother of all gifts that filled the front end with shock and awe. What was this amazing gift? It was a Staples Easy Button. I don’t know where my co-worker got it - I didn’t want to know. Sometimes it’s better not to ask questions, all I know is that it was great. We all loved it because it made us laugh every time someone would press the button. When you pressed the red button a calm male voice would say, “That was easy” We’d all bust out laughing because where I work not much is easy, we‘re just so good that we make it look easy - you can ask anyone I work with if that‘s true or not. It was just a little piece of plastic with some electronic wiring and whatever else they put in little buttons that make noise or say little funny phrases, but we all loved it. Some of us even loved it more than we love some of our co-workers. Well, one day I went home early and when I came in the next day - the Easy Button was gone. Tan. Tan. Tan. Taaaan. <-(That’s supposed to be mystery music - use your imagination and play along)

No one knew what happened to the button or at least no one would admit to knowing what happened to the button because as I would find out later, this disappearance would lead high in the chain of command. It would go to the very top. It seems that after much prodding and whining “who took my easy button? Who took my easy button?” someone cracked. One of the employees, who wishes to remain anonymous, came forward and through sobs of fear admitted that she had more information than she had originally shared. She was afraid to say more because she would be giving up the head of the clinic herself. It didn’t take long to make the employee crack - we told her that if she didn’t share her information we were going to lock her in the employee restroom after whoever it is that takes that massive dump every morning that stinks up the whole clinic. After that threat, the employee was a crying mess of information.

She gave up and sobbed, ”It was Ms. RH ‘The Team Leader’ Tan. Tan. Tan. Taaaan <-(mystery music again - come on, use your imagination).” We all looked at each other with the same look of shock. “She took it.” The crying mess of information continued. “Please don’t tell her it was me. She might make me go to one of those late afternoon meetings or worse...she might transfer me to The Central Clinic. Nobody wants to work at The Central Clinic, it‘s just plain evil there.”

I felt sorry for the sobbing employee because I knew just how bad it could get for her. The last time a doctor crossed “The Team Leader” he was banished to the geriatric land of old patients where he was assigned to care for the elderly. After complaining about being sent to the geriatric land the doctor suddenly disappeared. No one ever heard from him again - it was as if he just vanished into thin air.

Armed with an eye witness, and a theory, we were able to request the surveillance video aimed at my desk. It was lucky for us that the cameras were installed and working properly during the crime. We were going to find out who took the Easy Button if it took us looking through countless hours of footage of me working real hard, but making it look so easy.

After watching the surveillance video we were all shocked to see “The Team Leader” walk by the desk, pick up the Easy Button and walk away with it. There is no sound to the video otherwise I’m sure you would be able to her distinctive laugh “whahahahaha! Whahahaha!” Later, several eyewitnesses claim to have seen “The Team Leader” skipping around the halls singing “That was easy…That was easy…That was easy…“ Although the video clearly shows “The Team Leader” walking away with The Easy Button I want to stress that at this time she is only a person of interest in the case.

If you see “The Team Leader” please approach her with extreme caution she has been known to call late afternoon meetings and fire off stern emails. Do not attempt to apprehend her yourself. If you see her call office security at once - that’s why they get paid the big bucks.