I hate using public restrooms because I hate standing next to another guy as I take a piss, but If there is anything I hate worse than using a common trough is actually going in a stall, sitting down and taking a dump. It’s not about the germs or anything like that because most restrooms have those thin little paper seat covers that one of my friends fondly refers to as “ass protectors” I don’t know how well they actually protect your ass, but I guess it’s better than sitting your naked butt cheeks where someone else just had their naked butt cheeks. I remember once when I was a kid, I stayed with my aunt and uncle for a few weeks one summer and had my first traumatic public restroom experience. My aunt took me to the mall and while we were there I had to go to the restroom really bad. I was trying to hold it in as much as I could, but it finally got to the point where I had to ask my aunt to take me to the restroom. It was either that or take a dump right there in the middle of the store and that‘s usually not a good thing to do. The fact that I was with my aunt who didn’t think I was old enough to go to the restroom by myself condemned me to going in that mysterious, forbidden world that is known as the woman’s restroom. It was like stepping through the looking glass into a world that was so totally different from anyplace I had ever been before. It was really clean and they had a sofa in their restroom, to this day I can’t figure out why they would need a sofa in the restroom. I don’t know, maybe it’s for naps or for waiting to use the stalls - one advantage males have is that we can use the urinal and get out of there quickly. We don‘t need a sofa to wait for our turn, besides guys don‘t want to talk to other guys while they‘re in the restroom. Getting back to my traumatic experience, my aunt opened the stall and slowly measured out a strip of toilet paper that she laid on one side of the seat. She measured out another one and laid it across the other side and then did the same for the back part of the toilet seat. I was about to sit down when she stopped me and measured out more toilet paper - “You have to do three layers or the toilet bugs will bite you on your ass” - I now see that I have my aunt to thank for the beginning of many of my issues.

I think that as much as that incident screwed up my ability to use public restrooms there is another incident that made me leery of taking a dump in the stall of a public restroom. My phobia or whatever you want to call it may come from the fact that as a kid I was pretty immature, some people will argue that as an adult I‘m still pretty immature, but I don‘t believe that at all. As a kid, I would walk into a public restroom and see the feet of someone who was using the stall, then I would start making farting and gagging noises, turn the light out and run out of the restroom as fast as I could. I did that to so many unsuspecting dumpers that now I may have this little feeling in the back of my mind that someone is going to do that to me while I’m sitting in a stall, so my inability to use the public restroom may be something I’ll call restroom karma. I screwed around with lots of people as they took a dump, leaving them on the toilet in total darkness with their pants around their ankles, so now restroom karma has screwed me up so that I can‘t just sit on the toilet and take a dump like the person in the next stall. I said it before, as much as I hate to use public restrooms and as much as I fear that restroom karma, sometimes there comes a time in your life when you just have to use a public restroom or you’ll end walking around with a underwear full of crap and unless you’re under the age of three, that’s not something society looks fondly on.
 
A couple of days ago, I had to use the restroom so bad and I had no choice but to use a public restroom. I walked in the restroom feeling relived that no one else was using it. I looked in each stall making my way to the stall furthest from the door. I took one of those ass protectors from the wall dispenser and laid on the seat. As I was about to sit down I remembered what my aunt said about the toilet bugs, so just in case she was right I laid two more ass protectors on the seat. I felt like the big bad wolf, huffing and puffing as I took a massive dump that stunk up the whole restroom. It was so bad that I was gagging myself, and you know it‘s pretty bad if you can‘t stand your own crap. I finished and felt glad that no one had walked in while I was in there, maybe I didn‘t have to fear restroom karma anymore. Maybe now I could take a dump in any public restroom - I was happy. I could take dump here, a dump there, a dump everywhere. I was about to walk out of the stall when I felt the uncontrollable urge to piss. I didn’t want to stand in the stall and pee into the toilet because that just seems kind of weird to me, (I know, more issues) so I walked out of the stall and walked right up to the closest urinal and began to urinate. As I was standing at the urinal another guy walked in and looked at me as he walked by me. He made a weird face as the smell of my dump hit him like a slap to the face, well maybe, like many slaps to the face. I looked back at him and said, “whoever was in here before me must be really sick or something.” He gave me a weird look as if I had farted loudly at church and then walked into a vacant stall without saying a word. I finished, washed my hands and thought about making farting and gagging noises, turning out the light and running out of the restroom as fast as I could - but I’m grown now, so I didn’t make the noises.
 
Side note - for the record, I don’t make it a point to talk to other guys in the restroom - just on special occasions.