A Favor
I was sitting in the coffee shop area of the bookstore drinking an iced chocolate coffee drink and reading a magazine about saving the earth by using biodegradable materials when the call came in. My cell phone was set on high, so not only did it scare me when it rang, it also made everyone else in the area jump and turn their attention to me.
“Hello” I said, watching as everyone stared at me. The way they were looking at me you would have thought that I had passed a loud fart during Sunday mass.
“Whatc’a doing?” My sister’s voice came from the other end of the phone.
“Nothing, I’m at the bookstore reading magazines.”
She started laughing. “You’re such a cheapskate.”
“Why?” I was surprised at my sister’s accusations.
“Because you’re sitting in a bookstore reading magazines so you don’t have to pay for them.” Well, she had a point, how could I argue with that logic.
By this point, everyone started to go back to reading their books or magazines. I could tell that at least one person was annoyed that I had dared bring a cell phone into the sacred area that is the coffee shop.
“I need you to do me a favor.” As soon as my sister spoke those words, my blood began to chill. Anytime she said those eight words, I knew that it meant bad news for me.
“What?” I asked, trying to mentally prepare myself for whatever might come next.
No matter what I did to prepare myself I wasn’t quite ready for my sister’s request. “I need you to go to the store and buy me some Maxi pads.”
“What?” I yelled, standing up so fast that I almost knocked over my iced chocolate coffee drink. “You’ve got to be kidding. You’re kidding me, right?”
“No! Absolutely not!” I had managed to draw everyone’s attention back to me.
“Come on, I’d get them for you if you needed them.”
“That’s just it, I don’t use them and even if I did use Maxi pads or whatever it is you girls use, I wouldn’t ask you to buy them for me.” Someone laughed. I looked at him and shrugged my shoulders, then walked outside where I could get a little privacy.
“Pleeease.” I could imagine the sad puppy dog look on my sister’s face as she spoke those words. It was a look she had perfected through the years and would get her just about anything she wanted.
“Ok,” I said, “but you owe me big time.”
I didn’t know how or when, but I was going to make my sister pay me back for this one.
“Oh, one more thing,” she said. “Make sure you get heavy flow pads.”
“AAAAAUUUUGGGGG!!!!” Oh man, was she gonna pay for this one.
On the drive to the store I thought about buying Maxi pads. It’s a natural thing and shouldn’t be so bad. No one is going to say anything about it. It’s just like buying toilet paper. I was starting to feel more confident that I could just walk in a store and buy feminine pads, until I remembered that I hated to buy toilet paper. I remember as a kid I would not go through the check out stand with anyone buying toilet paper.
Once, when I was young, my mom sent me to the store to buy toilet paper, but I couldn’t do it. I tried to buy it, but I couldn’t make myself pick up the four pack of toilet paper off the shelf. I went back home with the softest package of paper towels I could find. I don’t know why I couldn’t buy toilet paper - I guess I just thought that one day the cashier was going to ask me what I did with it and I felt embarrassed to let her know that I was going to wipe my ass with it.
“It’s a natural thing…it’s a natural thing…” that was my mantra as I walked down aisle after aisle of the grocery store looking for Maxi pads. I couldn’t find them, so I knew that although I hated to do it, I was going to have to ask someone for help. I saw an older lady with a blue smock and the words “How may I help you“ on the back.
“Excuse me,” I said. “I was wondering if you had any … uh … well … any … uhmmm … any of those things?” I pointed at my crotch as I stammered my way through that sentence.
“Excuse me?” the blue smocked lady asked a bit shocked.
I knew I had to tell her what I wanted before she called security on me, thinking I was some sort of pervert or something. “I’m looking for feminine Maxi pads.” She laughed a little bit, but not too much. “Oh, they’re not for me.” I said, feeling stupid as the words came out of my mouth.
“Well, I should hope not.” The lady said and laughed a little bit more. If it had been someone else in my position I would have laughed too, but at the moment I didn’t see anything funny in the situation. “They are on aisle 9b”
I thanked the lady and made my way to aisle nine b. Once there, it was like entering a completely different world - the uncharted world of women’s protection and hygiene. This was an aisle that men were never meant to enter. There were things in this aisle that looked like they had come straight out of a science fiction movie. There were bottles of vinegar and water - for a second there I thought I had entered the salad dressing aisle, then I remembered that it was vinegar and oil that use for dressing, not vinegar and water. I was thankful that I was not there for salad dressing - that could have been ugly. There were things in aisle nine b with cardboard applicators, which according to the box, were proven to be more comfortable than plastic applicators. At that moment, I was so happy that I was not a girl. I looked over everything in aisle nine b until I finally found the elusive Maxi pads. My happiness was short-lived as I realized that there had to be at least a billion different types of pads. There were thin ones, thick ones, some with wings, and some without. Wings? I wondered, why would you put wings on those things? If I was confused before, I was totally lost now.
“Can I help you find something?” the voice made me jump. It was a young girl, maybe a few years younger than I was. I hadn’t noticed that she had been watching me as I searched for heavy flow pads in no-man’s aisle nine b.
“I’m looking for maxi pads.” I managed to say. “They’re not for me though.” Somehow, I felt like I had to say that. I couldn’t stress that enough. She laughed a little bit and then asked me what kind of pads I was looking for. I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know,” I said. “Heavy flow?”
The young girl gave me a look that to me looked as if she were saying: You poor, poor guy. It didn’t take her long to find the heavy flow pads. I smiled and thanked her as she gave me the box of Maxi pads. You would have thought that I’d be happy to have found the pads, but I had to ask the one important question.
“Are these biodegradable?”
“Hello” I said, watching as everyone stared at me. The way they were looking at me you would have thought that I had passed a loud fart during Sunday mass.
“Whatc’a doing?” My sister’s voice came from the other end of the phone.
“Nothing, I’m at the bookstore reading magazines.”
She started laughing. “You’re such a cheapskate.”
“Why?” I was surprised at my sister’s accusations.
“Because you’re sitting in a bookstore reading magazines so you don’t have to pay for them.” Well, she had a point, how could I argue with that logic.
By this point, everyone started to go back to reading their books or magazines. I could tell that at least one person was annoyed that I had dared bring a cell phone into the sacred area that is the coffee shop.
“I need you to do me a favor.” As soon as my sister spoke those words, my blood began to chill. Anytime she said those eight words, I knew that it meant bad news for me.
“What?” I asked, trying to mentally prepare myself for whatever might come next.
No matter what I did to prepare myself I wasn’t quite ready for my sister’s request. “I need you to go to the store and buy me some Maxi pads.”
“What?” I yelled, standing up so fast that I almost knocked over my iced chocolate coffee drink. “You’ve got to be kidding. You’re kidding me, right?”
“No! Absolutely not!” I had managed to draw everyone’s attention back to me.
“Come on, I’d get them for you if you needed them.”
“That’s just it, I don’t use them and even if I did use Maxi pads or whatever it is you girls use, I wouldn’t ask you to buy them for me.” Someone laughed. I looked at him and shrugged my shoulders, then walked outside where I could get a little privacy.
“Pleeease.” I could imagine the sad puppy dog look on my sister’s face as she spoke those words. It was a look she had perfected through the years and would get her just about anything she wanted.
“Ok,” I said, “but you owe me big time.”
I didn’t know how or when, but I was going to make my sister pay me back for this one.
“Oh, one more thing,” she said. “Make sure you get heavy flow pads.”
“AAAAAUUUUGGGGG!!!!” Oh man, was she gonna pay for this one.
On the drive to the store I thought about buying Maxi pads. It’s a natural thing and shouldn’t be so bad. No one is going to say anything about it. It’s just like buying toilet paper. I was starting to feel more confident that I could just walk in a store and buy feminine pads, until I remembered that I hated to buy toilet paper. I remember as a kid I would not go through the check out stand with anyone buying toilet paper.
Once, when I was young, my mom sent me to the store to buy toilet paper, but I couldn’t do it. I tried to buy it, but I couldn’t make myself pick up the four pack of toilet paper off the shelf. I went back home with the softest package of paper towels I could find. I don’t know why I couldn’t buy toilet paper - I guess I just thought that one day the cashier was going to ask me what I did with it and I felt embarrassed to let her know that I was going to wipe my ass with it.
“It’s a natural thing…it’s a natural thing…” that was my mantra as I walked down aisle after aisle of the grocery store looking for Maxi pads. I couldn’t find them, so I knew that although I hated to do it, I was going to have to ask someone for help. I saw an older lady with a blue smock and the words “How may I help you“ on the back.
“Excuse me,” I said. “I was wondering if you had any … uh … well … any … uhmmm … any of those things?” I pointed at my crotch as I stammered my way through that sentence.
“Excuse me?” the blue smocked lady asked a bit shocked.
I knew I had to tell her what I wanted before she called security on me, thinking I was some sort of pervert or something. “I’m looking for feminine Maxi pads.” She laughed a little bit, but not too much. “Oh, they’re not for me.” I said, feeling stupid as the words came out of my mouth.
“Well, I should hope not.” The lady said and laughed a little bit more. If it had been someone else in my position I would have laughed too, but at the moment I didn’t see anything funny in the situation. “They are on aisle 9b”
I thanked the lady and made my way to aisle nine b. Once there, it was like entering a completely different world - the uncharted world of women’s protection and hygiene. This was an aisle that men were never meant to enter. There were things in this aisle that looked like they had come straight out of a science fiction movie. There were bottles of vinegar and water - for a second there I thought I had entered the salad dressing aisle, then I remembered that it was vinegar and oil that use for dressing, not vinegar and water. I was thankful that I was not there for salad dressing - that could have been ugly. There were things in aisle nine b with cardboard applicators, which according to the box, were proven to be more comfortable than plastic applicators. At that moment, I was so happy that I was not a girl. I looked over everything in aisle nine b until I finally found the elusive Maxi pads. My happiness was short-lived as I realized that there had to be at least a billion different types of pads. There were thin ones, thick ones, some with wings, and some without. Wings? I wondered, why would you put wings on those things? If I was confused before, I was totally lost now.
“Can I help you find something?” the voice made me jump. It was a young girl, maybe a few years younger than I was. I hadn’t noticed that she had been watching me as I searched for heavy flow pads in no-man’s aisle nine b.
“I’m looking for maxi pads.” I managed to say. “They’re not for me though.” Somehow, I felt like I had to say that. I couldn’t stress that enough. She laughed a little bit and then asked me what kind of pads I was looking for. I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know,” I said. “Heavy flow?”
The young girl gave me a look that to me looked as if she were saying: You poor, poor guy. It didn’t take her long to find the heavy flow pads. I smiled and thanked her as she gave me the box of Maxi pads. You would have thought that I’d be happy to have found the pads, but I had to ask the one important question.
“Are these biodegradable?”
DUDE, YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER OFF JUST SAYING IM LOOKING FOR MAXI PADS TO THE FIRST LADY IN STEAD OF POINT AT YOUR CROTCH. YOUR LUCKY SHE DIDN'T CALL SECURITY. LOL.
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NICE!!!Especially the part with the HEAVY flow part. She just had to throw that in there. Trust me your RIGHT about it being NO MANS LAND!!! I myself had to purchase some of those feminine product... In fact i believe it was for your SIS!!
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